I Like My Universe More

I had to take a quick shower today since I hit the snooze button about 6 times before getting out of bed.  I had a crazy dream that night that got me thinking a little bit beyond our planet.  No, no aliens involved.

Operating under the assumption that the universe expands and contracts with very indefinite (or infinite) outer bounds, would it be possible that every singular object within the universe was expanding or contracting at the same rate?  That is, that while our actual volume changes, the scale remains exactly the same.

I may have graduated with an engineering degree, but most of the information from science classes no longer reside in my brain.  I do know however that there is some evidence showing that the distance between a finite number of objects is increasing, and that our planet is actually getting farther away from other objects (like stars and galaxies) as time goes on.  I guess this is really the same sort of theory, but with density.  At the beginning of time (?) the universe was a single point with infinite density.  As the universe expanded it’s volume increased exponentially and the universe became less and less dense as time passed.

I personally think this would be way more fun.

Random Tidbits: May 26

I have come to the conclusion that going through CDs from high school is very depressing, and should not be done.  I came across The Offspring’s Conspiracy of One, a CD my girlfriend bought me for Christmas… just before we broke up.  I spent the entire holiday vacation moping around listening to it. Bleh.

I have also decided that I love talking with people from other countries.  They use vocabulary that I don’t often get to hear in my life, since my friends and I tend to fall into very similar patterns of speech.  I heard someone say with utter disdain the other day that he had made a “very RASH decision”!  I started thinking on it and realized I hadn’t heard someone use the word “rash” in months, and it’s a very awesome word.

On a related note: Please throw in new and awesome words into a few sentences every day.  It makes all our lives better.  For example, “this apple has lost it’s luster!”

I have become addicted to pastrami sandwiches.

 

Primary Day Rant

Today is May 20th.

This date is significant because it heralds the end of political ads blasting into my living room via the television.  Today, we vote.

I will state right from the start that I am already voting for Obama for the democratic candidate.  I have been attacked, begged, and pleaded with to vote for Hillary, mostly by members of the opposite sex.  I don’t think I am being sexist in voting for the candidate I like the most, and I think that a lot of women are approaching this the wrong way.  Don’t think you are betraying your feminist movement by not trying to get a woman into the White House.  I am also sick of hearing how Hillary “has won the popular vote”.  You do realize of course, that Obama didn’t even run in Michigan, nor did Edwards (who was still in the race at the time) because all the candidates KNEW it wouldn’t count?  If you only added Florida back into the mix, Obama still would have the popular vote lead. I also have a couple friends that sheepishly look at me and tell me they are voting for Hillary.  The reason, mostly, relates to the person they are currently dating.  It’s disgusting.

I don’t think Hillary would be a bad president.  I would still vote for her if she won the primary.  But I disagree with her on some items in her current platform, and I also have not been very happy with some of the things she supported before running for president (media censorship).

With Obama, it’s almost like people refuse to believe that we can actually run our government and country successfully, and we would rather shoot for a slight improvement with Hillary that we all think we can get, than a huge improvement with Obama that we aren’t as sure about.  That doesn’t make any sense to me, and thinking like that will only continue to hurt America in the long run.

Also please don’t tell me I should vote for Hillary because:

1. He can’t win the vote of “working class people”.  That is a bullshit term people use instead of “uneducated”, or “lower income”.  There are plenty of well-informed working class people out there too… I don’t think he has lost their vote just because they “work” way more intensely than the rest of the U.S.  So fine, he won’t get a ton of votes from the religious conservatives, the high school drop-outs, etc.  Am I supposed to be disappointed that Obamais supported by people I respect more? Am I in love with the general population of Kentucky? West Virginia? No.  Yes, I know I just made some blanket statements that will be incorrect in many cases.  But that’s not really any different than talking about the “black vote” or the “working class vote”.
2. There is a high risk of him being assassinated.  This just shows how screwed up the United States is right now.  At best, people that say this have been watching too much 24.  At worst, they are morons.  Given that I do not care about the opinion of morons, this can be discounted.
3. Obama has been unfairly attacking Clinton!  Seriously?  This only started coming up when it became evident she was actually losing the primary.  This is politics.  Bothsides are going to throw shit and hope some of it sticks.  It’s our jobs as voters to educate ourselves in the real issues so we can make an informed choice.  On that note, why do you think people with higher levels of education mostly vote for Obama? Hrmm.
4. Experience.  You can hire experience.  I don’t feel like going into a ton of detail on this since I have to get going soon, but the president lays out a general mission statement for what he wants to do, and how he wants to do it.  If he has a weakness, he can always hire someone with experience to help him with those issues.  His main goal is to steer the ship in the right direction, not worry about the proper stitching technique for sails (never a bad thing to know though).
5. Person XYZ is supporting Hillary.  Please, just make your own choice.

And honestly a lot of this can be applied in the other direction too.  If you feel that Hillary can turn America around, and do a better job of it.  Vote for her!  Don’t vote for Obama because your family/friends tell you to, or because people say you are being racist.  Just make an informed vote.

Ninja Break Tactics in an Office

Here are some various ideas for stretching the legs or taking your mind off your work, while not appearing to be lazy:

1. Eat breakfast at work!  I used to bring an instant oatmeal packet and an apple to work every day to eat for breakfast.  Not only to I get to walk to the break room to get hot water for my meal, I get a good 5-10 minutes of mindless snacking while staring at the computer.
2. Plan out “long distance” trips when you can.  This can be a meeting with someone over in another building, a trip to the technical library to get or return a reference book, walking to your car because you forgot something important… whatever.  Nothing like stretching your legs or even getting outside for a couple minutes to clear the mind.
3. Time your bathroom trips.  I know this may sound strange since people tend to take these small breaks whenever they need to rather than want to, but usually your body adjusts it’s schedule quite easily. Try utilize times between 10-11am and 2:30-3:30pm to break up the work day even more.
4. Go to meetings.  Sure some might be voluntary, and some might even be a waste of time, but these can be good breaks from whatever work you are doing.  Even better, you can block off the time on your calendar or leave a little note saying where you are so everyone knows you are doing something work related.  This also lets you network with fellow employees and can really help you in the future.
5. Bring an mp3 player.  Work can be a very distracting place, especially if you work in a cubicle and can hear the person next to you talking about his son’s baseball team lineup every damn day.  If I can drown out a lot of the background noise at work, it helps me stay stress-free while working and alleviates my need for breaks.  I can also just sit back for a few minutes and listen to music while trying to think things out in my head.

Remember to use these tactics in moderation.  The whole point for me is to take small breaks from my work so I can actually perform better in the long run, while not blatantly seeming to be sleeping on the job.  Most of being a successful employee at a company is accomplishing things that create value, and making sure people know you accomplish things.  It doesn’t help your cause if you are doing a lot of work and people think you are some lazy guy/girl that vanishes at random times during the day and things their office is a lunch room.

It should also be noted that the culture at your office may be completely different, and these tactics may not work in that culture.  Software companies can be a little… different.

New York Napkins

I had to move again recently, and was sorting through a bunch of boxes when I came across a napkin from a deli in New York.  I had scrawled something on it during a visit there quite some time ago (I was still in high school).  I thought I would copy it here before it drifted back into oblivion. I absolutely hated NYC.

Feet planted on the street corner
a concrete worf, jutting into a sea of humanity
The currents shift. Ebb and flow
Skin taut against chill and prying eyes

A friendly smile, a smokey glance
Set actions, to get appropriate reactions
The traffic throbs
a hand runs down jutting ribs

So tired, the weight of life brings slumped shoulders
Time washes away even hardened resolve

The world crumbles away
Shadows reaching out to snatch up warmth, hope, light
Sulfur lights flicker into existence
You stand at the corner, on an island of faded yellow

another drag, embers illuminating black pools
wisps of chemical vapor fill your lungs
A tear meanders down, revealing the scars below
As you step off the edge

A General Note

I’ve had a few people mention to me places where some of my posts could use improvement.  Trust me, I am aware that I do not use proper grammar in certain areas, used too many commas, or could have worded a sentence in a better way.  Yes, there are times when I am thinking of something else and write sentences that don’t even make any sense. Sure, there are mistakes that I probably wouldn’t even catch if I went over the stuff I write anyway.

To those of you that are bothered by this, I apologize.  I don’t mean to do it, really!  I even try and use paragraphs to organize things!

The main goal of everything on here is a way to relax and (somewhat) creatively output whatever is on my mind at the time.  I made the horrible mistake of getting involved in software engineering when starting off college, and the worse mistake of not changing my major when I had the chance.  Working in software feels like a fucking lobotomy from 8-5.  This isn’t to say that you cannot code creatively, but you really can’t within a work environment about 85% of the time.  This gives me a way to write something in english that isn’t a functional spec.

So if you see places that have mentally scarred you with their horrible word misuse, an improper semicolon, or anything else, feel free to tell me! Just don’t make feel like I just kicked my dog.

Cold Case, Paper Plates, And More!

I take through two episodes of Cold Case tonight, and I have to take a little time to explain why I hate this show.

First off I should qualify this statement by saying that I am not a huge fan of shows like CSI, where the beginning of every episode leaves me feeling like I have just watched a snuff film.  I don’t get a rise out of it, and find it about as disgusting as horror movies where the killer turns out to be the neighbor or gas station owner.  Things like this I view as a sort of cheap emotional thrill ride, where the twists and turns are so blatantly manipulated to invoke a reaction it turns me off of the show/movie/whatever completely.  I just don’t get it.

That being said, I enjoy the solving of crimes.  I love how all the peices slowly fit together and there is always one cornerstone that falls into place that just makes you say “ohhhhhhhh” as a satisfactory smile reflects back at you from the TV screen.  You would think, given all this, that I would enjoy Cold Case.  The entirety of the show is devoted to the solving of crimes.  What really gets me about this show, is that, well, it’s about solving old cases!

I couldn’t care less about some accidental murder 60 years ago, and that is what frustrates me the most about this show.  They solve a crime, end up arresting someone that is probably just about 70, and drag him off into the sunset with handcuffs with about 3 minutes left in the show.  They then -much like in CSI I might add- devote the last couple minutes to flesh out the personal lives of the characters we spend the entire show watching.  Sigh.  I just end up feeling sorry for everyone by the end of the show.  What a waste of time and resources to track down such minor crimes.  At least the crime should be something major, like a bombing or a rash of killings done by a mystery perpetrator. Sadly, it never turns out this way.

On another note, has anyone seen these new dixie paper plate commercials?  They are apparently now trying to sell the idea to busy moms that they are actually sacrificing quality time with their kids by using dishes that *gasp* need to be washed!  With paper plates you can just toss them in the trash and go teach your daughter how to fly that rocket ship. Disgusting.  Besides, I know when I have kids washing the dishes will definitely be on their list of chores .

As long as I am talking about commercials.  I just saw one for Celebrex (no I don’t even know what it does) and think I heard the line “Some doctors say that the benefits of Celebrex actually outweigh the negatives”.  Are you kidding me? Some doctors say there is a net gain by taking your medicine!? I would hope so.

Well, enough with that rant.  I don’t even feel like clicking the little spell-checker button for this one, so much to do, so little time.  If only I had paper plates…

 

Movies, and Velociraptors: Part 2

Jurassic Park was one of the single coolest things to have watched in the early 90’s.  I actually had a chance to watch this movie over at a neighbors house only two weeks after it came out on video (This would almost double the coolness factor, since I would then ruin most of the film for all of my friends) but my sister was with me at the time, and told me with a scowl that she was leaving, and if I wasn’t coming my parents would be told, and bad things would happen.  Needless to say, my opportunity was ruined.  However due to some savvy maneuvering with the tying of shoelaces, I got to stick around for the first few minutes of the movie, and these few minutes scared me to death.

The room we we’re watching it in was completely dark, and my friends had a giant 32″ Sony TV at the time.  A large crate was swinging over jungle foliage, as men in burnt orange hats stared up, as if this was just a normal day on the job. I excitedly thought that this would be my first glimpse of the amazing special effects the movie had to offer, and continued to fumble with said shoelaces while my eyes fixated on the glowing screen in front of me.  I loved dinosaurs at the time, and my favorite one was a triceratops.  My heart pounded faster as I became more and more certain that the 3-pronged dinosaur surely was the one in the crate. 

The call of “Gatekeeper!” echoed out, and chaos ensued.  The man struggling to open the crate door fell, and was dragged screaming into the crate.  Flashes of white light filled the room as the other workers blasted away with some sort of shock guns, and as the gatekeeper’s fingers slowly slipped out of another mans hands and gunshots sounded, I made my quick goodbyes and managed to not quite run out the front door.  All I had seen was a reptilian eye, but it terrified me.  It wasn’t until I was 12 that my parents decided that maybe they could be a little lenient, and decided to rent Jurassic Park for us to all watch together that weekend.  I was scared to death.

I knew this was a big chance to prove that I could handle “adult” movies, and that I just had to pass this test or my parents would hold it over me for another year every time I casually chanced a look at the back cover of a PG-13 tape at Hollywood Video.  To prepare myself, I revisited two movie scenes that totally freaked me out at the time.  The first one was the ending of The Last Crusade.  For me, the tension as one Nazi soldier tried to creep through traps and reach the holy grail, and his sudden beheading, was far worse than the melting faces of Raiders, or some of the gross-out moments of Temple of Doom (how the hell was that movie only rated PG!?).  The second was the Wampa ice cave scene in Empire Strikes back.  There are two common threads in these two scenes.  The fact that my parents owned both the Star Wars trilogy and the Indiana Jones trilogy, and that both these scenes let my own imagination terrify me.  This was, and probably still is, my major weakness with “scary” moments.  I am scared to death of the machinations of my own mind.

Saturday quickly approached, and I grew more and more nervous.  If I turned face and ran now, this would be proof-positive that my tyrannical parents would find justification in their unfair laws.  I carefully weighed the risks (being scared to death, screaming) with the positives (breaking free of parental shackles, a new world of movies being available to me) and decided I would just have to suck it up. 

Dinner was a blur of meat and vegetables, and we lined up to get ice cream for dessert as my Dad started the movie.  I took my time carefully layering different ice cream flavors into my mug (we never used bowls for ice cream), and of course had to pack it down as much as possible to get the most ice cream per unit volume ratio.  Finally content that I would have to place the mug in the trash compactor to increase it’s density any more, I went over to the coach, sat down, and grabbed a blanket and pillow.  That pillow didn’t escape from my embrace for the rest of the movie.

Catastrophe Shopping List

It might seem like all I do in the shower is list things, but after seeing numerous movies and TV shows where some event brings doom to society as we know it, it really got me thinking: What would I grab in a panicked rush at the supermarket before running off to my secret hideaway?  This has to take into account a couple things.  First of all, there is only so much I can fit into my 2003 Honda Accord, so the total volume of the items grabbed must be limited.  Secondly, Items must be prioritized assuming that I can only drag two shopping carts around by myself, and that I could make two trips before the car would be reasonably full, and the gains of returning back to the store would be very dimished due to the mass of other people trying to accomplish the same thing.

To summarize the goals:

• Get as much nutritional value per unit volume as possible
• Grab items with the highest looter demand first
• Find those “hidden gem” items on the second trip that others might not think of right away

Without further adu, here is the list of items I came up with:

High Priority:

• Energy Bars
• Canned foods (soups, chili, all that)
• Canned fruits and vegetables
• Cereal
• Trail mixes/Granola

 

Non-Food:

• Vitamins
• Batteries
• Water Filters
• Medical Supplies

Second Trip (Assume most of the good stuff is gone):

• Dog food
• Chocolate/candy (Has a ton of calories, and happiness?)
• Rice
• Bulk food section (dried fruits, granola, whatever)
• Peanut butter and other high-calorie condiment type things

Non-Food (For barter use later):

• Coffee
• Cigarettes
• Matches and/or Lighters

I feel like I’m missing a bunch of options here, but that’s all for now!

Movies, and Velociraptors: Part 1

My parents were pretty strict about what I could watch as a kid.  Movie ratings weren’t just a general guideline in our household, they were set in stone.  Once after school, I found one of my favorite things pinned on the freezer door with a bright orange magnet.  A small white piece of paper stating in a hurried scrawl that my parents “went for walk, back at 5:20″.  The house was quite, full of opportunities, and all mine.  I quickly listed all the things I could do.  I could search my parents room for interesting items, go play basketball outside before doing my homework, or… my list abruptly came to an end as I saw what sat on the mantel by the fireplace.

 It was a movie, and the title named it “Tommy Boy” starring David Spade and the now-deceased Chris Farley.  With a jolt of excitement I stared at the forbidden label: PG-13.  I was ten years old at the time, and thought my parents were going out of their way to act like Nazis and make me look like crap in front of my friends.  After all, my best friend had seen R rated movies when he was six years old! Six!  Damn, that guy was cool.

I figured my parents wouldn’t be back soon, and I needed this to prove I had the maturity needed to watch this coveted comedy.  I took the tape out of the box and inserted it into the VCR.  I giggled unreasonably at the foul language and over-the-top antics of Chris Farley, but to be honest I was wondering what the fuss was all about.  The movie wasn’t THAT good.  Then came the pool scene.  For those of you that don’t vividly remember, it involved David Spade spending some quality time at a window while a stunning woman swam in the pool below.  Oh, I forgot, she took her bikini off in the process.  I felt like I was peeking into some sort of personal moment that I didn’t fully understand, but the girl was naked!  Suddenly a wide array of new possibilities bloomed in my head.  This was before I was allowed in the Internet, and was the first PG-13 I had seen in my young life.  It went from an underwhelming experience to one I still remember to this day. 

I spent the next ten minutes or so in a daze, that was broken sharply by the slam of a car door.  I pride myself in performance under pressure, and this was no exception. I leaped off the couch and dove at the VCR, my index finger slamming the stop button about 3 times before pressing eject.  Nothing.  I pressed eject again, and whirring slowed to a stop, the VCR clicked and sputtered a few times, and spat out the tape.  I slammed it back into the case and placed it back on the mantel ever-so-carefully.  The title facing away from me, and one corner poking out over the edge exactly like I had found it.  I then snatched the remote, and while flopping back onto the couch changed it off blue glow of channel 3 to PBS.  I think Wishbone was on.  I loved Wishbone, It was one of my favorite shows at the time (we didn’t get cable, don’t make fun of me!), but I couldn’t stop thinking about that girl in the pool.

To make a long story a little bit shorter, I had made one crucial mistake during this time.  I didn’t rewind the movie, and my parents hadn’t watched it yet.  Not only did they find out I had been watching the movie, they knew EXACTLY what part I had stopped watching on, which unfortunately was right after the pool scene.  My parents were outraged.  My mom told me to go to my room for a full hour, and my dad later told me it was against the law to watch that movie since I wasn’t 13, and that I should “be thankful (he) didn’t call the police”.  I am ashamed to admit it, but I believed him at the time.  I was terrified and embarrassed, but I had seen over the wall into the land of forbidden movies, and there was nothing there that could scare me.  Nothing at all.  Then I saw Jurassic Park.